Black History Month 2025 - February 7th - Michelle

This year, as a 60-turning-61 white man, I am going to highlight African Americans that have had some kind of influence in my life. Some are famous, some are friends, and others are just people. #blackhistorymonth

February 7th

Michelle

I had a good friend in the Bay Area in the early nineties. He worked in tech as a hardware tester, but I met him playing the Foothill College Lab Jazz Band, where he was playing trumpet. We ended up taking a jazz combo class together. 

He had trouble making ends meet and ended up leaving the Bay Area for New Jersey in the mid-nineties. In 1998, I got an invitation to his wedding, and he included a personal letter and asked me to bring a sax, or at least a mouthpiece or two, because he planned to have a jam session at the reception. So I made plans.

He is white like me, about my age.

1998 was a transition year for navigation. You could go on the web and get turn-by-turn directions to anywhere, but there were no cell phones that could do that, so you would print your directions out and follow them off of the paper. Satellite navigation for cars was right around the corner and in some cars, but not very many, and certainly not rental cars. So I flew into Newark and set off on the drive to central Jersey. The street signs were hard to see, and I was lost pretty much from the time I got on the road.

I drove up to this church, parked, and got out of the car. However, everybody in the parking lot was black, so I thought I was at the wrong place. I got back in the car, and drove in circles for about 15-20 minutes, and came back to the same church.

Then in hit me. Rick was marrying a black woman.

For a few minutes I just sat in the car and tried to calm down and get my breathing back to normal. I was shaken to my core. My own prejudice and assumptions betrayed me that afternoon. Once I realized my mistake and got over my embarrassment, which only I knew about anyway, I went into the church and saw Rick.

The wedding and reception were lovely. Rick and his new bride Michelle were glowing, as was Michelle’s 3-4 year old boy. He obviously adored Rick. And we did get to play a jam session that night. 

Michelle and I got maybe five minutes to talk. But I am writing this to admit my own prejudice. Sometimes we think we are so enlightened, but we get knocked down by reality.