This year, as a 60-turning-61 white man, I am going to highlight African Americans that have had some kind of influence in my life. Some are famous, some are friends, and others are just people. #blackhistorymonth
February 13th - Nancy
When I was in my 2nd year at Rice, this very interesting woman (I’ll call her "Nancy”) joined the Marching Owl Band. She was smart, funny, and gregarious. She made the MOB even more fun than it already was.
I did not get to know her particularly well most of the rest of my time at Rice. She was two years behind me. The MOB was huge, and she was in a different section. She was not a computer science major. She was in a different residential college.
My last fall at Rice was the last semester where the drinking age in Texas was 19; it would go up to 21 that December. Wiess College, one of the residential colleges, threw a party every year called Night of Decadence. It was deliberately provocative, pushing the boundaries of how far a party could go with booze and nudity and taste every year. It was finally shut down in 2023 after several students were hospitalized for alcohol-related problems. But 1987 was the last year that 19 and 20 year olds could legally go and get absolutely blasted, and they loudly advertised that fact.
I went to my one and only NOD that year. I lived off-campus and had had a job interview that afternoon, so I will still in my suit. I decided I would go as a Decadent Yuppie, in the Mike Douglas/Wall Street mode. At the party, I was standing and talking to two friends, when I felt somebody press up against my back and a hand feeling my crotch. My friends got thoroughly bemused looks on their faces, and I said, “Would you excuse me?”.
I turned around, and Nancy said “Hi!”. She was really really really drunk. She kept up what she had been doing with her hands. I said, “Hey there! How are you?”.
“Oh, I’m better now!” There was a rather large African-American man watching our exchange. I asked her if there were any problems with her date in a low-enough voice for nobody else to overhear. She said, “No! He’s great!”. I told her that she should then go be with him instead. She said, “Oh, you are no fun! But you are right. I’ll see you later!” And she stumbled over to the man, and disappeared into the crowd.
I enjoyed watching the party, and I really enjoyed the band, The Dishes, who played the party every year.
The following Monday, I called Nancy in her dorm room and asked if she would like to meet and talk about what had happened. I went by her room that afternoon, but first I ran into her roommate. She told me that Nancy’s date had ditched her at the party, and was not happy with her behavior. Her roommate then walked her back to the dorm, helping her out as she threw up several times.
Nancy answered her door, and immediately said, “I am so sorry! Please come in.”
She told me that she had been drunk 2-3 times before the party, and she did not know her own limits, and went off the deep end. She was obviously quite embarrassed. I assured her that she had nothing to be embarrassed about with me. She told me that it was the second time she had been out with that fellow, and well, he wasn’t going to ask her again.
She then said, “Listen, I do not know what to make of my behavior with you. I am attracted to you, but I don’t see a situation in my life now where we could have any kind of relationship.”
I told her, “Well, I was flattered, but I’m afraid I don’t share the attraction. So I am relieved that you weren’t expecting to go any further with this.”
She visibly relaxed, and said, “Oh, thank you. I think you understand that there are social and peer-pressure issues with my dating a non-black man. I feel ashamed that this inhibits me, but it sounds like it would not have happened anyway.”
“Listen, maybe it would be worth it if we both felt that way. You do not have to be ashamed to take that stuff into account. I would have to as well.”
We then told a couple of band stories, and ended the conversation on a couple of good laughs.
After graduation, we had dinner when she visited Silicon Valley. We are connected in Linked In, and she is doing quite well with her family and career. I am glad I got to know her.
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